do you ever think about how little Michelangelo cared
All right, everyone, grab a chair and sit back because I’m going to share with you what I learned about Michelangelo and the Sistine Chapel in my Art History Class.
The man NEVER wanted to paint the damn thing. But the pope at the time “forced him to” According to my teacher. Michelangelo hated this man, I MEAN REALLY HATED HIM. So did a majority of people. The pope’s nickname translated literally means “Terrible pope”.
And the working conditions were awful. He had to work on his back with all that paint, which is filled with some toxic shit that gave Michelangelo a limp for the rest of his life.
(Also, our teacher made us get on our backs and try drawing with both hands JUST to prove how bad and uncomfortable it is.)
At the time, the ceiling was so high, you could barely see it. You need binoculars to get a good look at what’s up there, by the time people could see the paintings, there was a lot of weird symbolism that Michelangelo hid up there.
This one? The creation of the sun and moon? God is mooning you. And the pope and all others after him prayed under that without knowing.
This one? At the time, dissecting was sacrilegious and everyone found out how behind God was what looked like half a brain. blah blah, science, science, that pissed everyone off.
And also, ALLLLLLL the men and women in the Sistine Chapel are all on fucking steroids. My teacher described the women’s bodies as "Men bodies with boobs slapped on."
And then there is this:
Now this is the back wall. Michelangelo actually wanted to paint this one after he finished the ceiling. (and there was a different pope too, I believe.) However, originally, EVERYONE in that painting was naked. And they didn’t like it. Adam and Eve naked? That’s cool. But Jesus? Now you crossed the line. So the pope at the time hired someone else to censor it and give the important figures clothes. He worked on it for 6 or 9 months before he died.
And then the symbolism in this one is great. Somewhere in the right, there are homosexuals in heaven. (No matter what, the Vatican will say “Those straight men are happy” I’ll get to that in a second), Michelangelo painted himself near Jesus, and the terrible pope is in hell with a snake biting his balls.
And if you were to point ANY of this out to the Vatican, they will deny all of it and claim Michelangelo was a catholic hero. In fact, when they discovered the symbolism around the 60s or 70s, the guy who told the Vatican was kicked out of the Vatican for life.
TL;DR: Michelangelo hated the pope and made the best “fuck you” of all time.
- Anubis: How do you feel about death?
- Atum: What are your greatest imperfections?
- Bastet: Do you have any cats?
- Hathor: What brings you joy?
- Horus: What is one thing you've had to fight for in your life?
- Osiris: Do you believe in the underworld?
- Ra: Do you have any major responsibilities or importance?
- Thoth: Do you like to read/write?
- Arawn: What is the most terrifying thing you've ever done?
- Bran: How is your health?
- Brighid: Tell us about your relationship with your father.
- Cernunnos: What is your favorite animal?
- Danu: What is your relationship with your mother?
- Morrigan: What do you think happens when we die?
- Olwen: What is your favorite flower?
- Rhiannon: Have you ever been betrayed?
- Bragi: What kind of music do you listen to?
- Freya: Have you ever been in love?
- Freyr: Do you have any children?
- Hœnir: Are you a silent or talkative person?
- Iounn: How old are you?
- Loki: What is the best trick you've ever pulled on someone?
- Odin: What is your family like?
- Thor: Would you consider yourself pretty powerful?
- Tree: What have you done with your life? What are you going to do with it?
- Aphrodite: What do you think of yourself?
- Ares: Are you an easy person to anger?
- Athena: Would you consider yourself an artist?
- Apollo: Do you play any instruments?
- Dionysus: Do you drink?
- Hades: Do you have a bad reputation?
- Hekate: Have you ever tried to communicate with the dead?
- Hermes: Have you ever stolen anything?
- Poseidon: Are you a moody person?
- Zeus: Are you a confident person?
- Jupiter: Would people say that you are intimidating or fairly approachable?
- Pluto: Where do you think we go when we die?
- Apollo & Dianna: Do you prefer to be up during the day or at night?
- Mars: Have you ever gotten into a fight?
- Minerva: Do you generally give good advice?
- Proserpine: Have you ever felt trapped?
- Plutus: Do you have a job?
- Venus: Have you ever had your heart broken?
- Vesta: Do you like being home or do you try to get out whenever you can?
- Morpheus: Do you daydream often? Of what?
ok apparently if a duckling imprints on a human and doesn’t meet other ducklings he ends up believing he’s a human too. that’s unbelievable. what if im just a duckling with an overactive imagination. what if im just a sleeping duckling and this is all a dream
do you ever need a five minute hug but only from like a specific person